ugliertrevor
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Name: Trevor
Birthday: 4/19/1988
Gender: Male


Interests: I have to say, my biggest hobby is paintball. paintball is the shizzle. If you want to go with me sometime give me a call. I really like to waste my money on rediculiouly stupid crap, as you will see in some of my "journal entries" or whatever. Like to also give a shout out (the greatest shout out) to God/ Jesus/ The holy Spirit. Spend alot of my life chillaxin' with you guys/ guy (the trinity... what a mind boogler). Can wait till we hang out face to face in awhile.
Expertise: I... suck at everything. Especially life. But i guess im good at acting like an idiot... or maybe its not acting...
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other


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AIM: ugliertrevor


Member Since: 7/22/2004

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Spiritual Hissy Fit

   So Matt Copeland ,Zach Ritter and I were over at my house two weeks ago, smoking cigars in the pool and discussing predestination, and arguing Calvanism v. Arminianism. Matt being the somewhat staunch supporter of Calvan,  Zach and I the opposition. It seems that after that night, Calvanism had more of a Biblical basis than did Arminianism.

    Basically, I've come to the point that this knowledge has become a hinderance to my faith. I feel that a God that chose me to have a relationship with him, yet condemns my grand father to hell, and might never even give some of my children the choice of salvation bugs me to say the least. Actually, I've found myself having a hard time loving a God like that.
   
    My father's remedy, and the only real counsel I have found from other believers is "Well Trevor, God knows what is best." I have found this to be of no comfort at all. I feel like with this philosophy, Christianity becomes a religion of blind ignorance. Yes, I know, this thought is prideful, that I should be able to know the workings of God, much less that I should be able to understand them with this mortal mind, but none the less, it is how I feel. This also raises the question if I had some supposedly unanswerable question, of which there seems to be many, would God not want me to find an answer to this? I have been told that questions "build up the faith muscle. You must tear the muscle down in order for it to be rebuilt stronger, just as exersize does to the physical body", but would this philosophy of forgeting about questions not just cover up the scars? It would weaken one's faith on the inside, but they may not necessarily realize it. They just accept this unanswered question as a Biblical truth that cannot be comprehended by man. From what I have read about God's character, He seems to be a merciful and loving God. I just dont understand how a God that can love us this way could allow somewhat large and unsettling gaps to remain unfilled, and our hearts left in confusion.
  
    Lately, I've been questioning my faith. I feel dissillusioned to this whole Christ thing, to be quite honest. Judge me, feel dissapointed in me, but this is the way that I feel. I don't know this will turn out- I could turn away completely- or become Christ filled. Just know that I am searching for the right answer, and hoping that God will pick me up, slap me in the face, then put me right back on his lap, I have not yet accepted as truth what I have written about. Any advice would be amazing.


Sunday, July 17, 2005

Virginia mission trip... f-bombing glorious. I'll try to keep this post as skinny as I can, but so much happened. One of the things the Lord really beat into me this week- is that prayer works, crazy awesomely. In the afternoon the team I was on went to do a VBS at an apartment complex. There was this one kid, Reon, at the camp that Meridith got really close to monday and tuesday. On Tuesday she was sitting with Reon at the Bible lesson session of the VBS and Reon all of a sudden stood up and walked away. Meridith followed him and found him sitting down crying. After a long conversation it turns out that Reon's brother had run away from home 5 years ago and Reon hadn't seen or heard from his brother since. Reon and Meridith prayed prayed for his brother and that he would come back, but after praying for awhile, Reon said he didnt believe that it was going to happen, since he had prayed alot before for his brother to come home and he didnt. Long story short, the next day Reon came running up to Meridith the next day and said that his brother called last night and that he was coming home in thirty days (he was in a rehabilitation center) and that reon could visit him 1 hour a day until he got out! Praise the Lord! As soon as Danny and I heard this we both collapsed on our knees. The Lord is amazing! There were MANY other prayers answered along the trip, including 4 times it was pouring rain as we were driving to the morning or afternoon projects, we prayed, and minutes before the camps were about to start the rain completely stopped, you could almost set your clock to it.
        Next thing was just an awesome worship experience I had with God/why I am sick right now. The whole group woke up early (5 o' clock) to go to the beach to have our "Time Alone with God". I was praying to God out loud, away from all other ears, and i started to look at the bowin and crashing waves, and realized that the sea has bowed down to God's majesty since he created it, and I have never done it once in 17 years. For some reason I decided to kneel down on my hands and my face in the sand while partially in the ocean, having the waves crash on me. I really think that God was leading me to do that now, since being in creation while worshiping him reminded me that he created me, my faults, talents, everything to grow closer to him.I was reminded that I am his creation. I felt like that put me in my place, going along with my Kamp Kingsland conviction of pride. Once i was put in my place, I layed there in the ocean stripped of myself, God continued to convict me of one thing after another, all the crap in my life. Its amazing how when you're on your hands and knees before Christ is when God lifts you up the most.
     There are PLENTY of more stories of how awesomely GREAT God is, just from this mission trip, but that will be for another day.


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Kamp Kingsland was way sweet times 11! Before I went, i was feeling really distant from God, but God did some crazy cool stuff. The first day, in the morning paul our youth minister got infront and asked us the usual "what was your reason for coming?". I instinctly thought that it  was just because i wanted to grow in Christ. I felt God impress upon me the word "pride", like it just popped into my head. I had no idea what pride would have to do with my going to Kamp Kingsland. I chewed on it that day in my T.a.w.g. and God revealed to me that I took pride in my image of being a "good christian" (which im not, at all) and that through this i felt that a good christian, as myself, should go to Kamp Kingsland. It shook me to the bone- that my life, who I have been my whole high school career, was just a person trying to "fill a list" on what a christian should look like, from the bracelets to not drinking, to even praying, i was obligated to do these things because of my pride of being a "good christian", not for Christ. I had always viewed myself as somewhat humble also (which is quite conflicting if you think about it) but i realized that this... humility was based on my pride in "filling out my list as a good christian". What was really crazy was that the Kamp pastor  talked about this EXACT same thing 2 days later, and I have no doubt that God was speaking to me. Then the 11th grade guys brought a golf cart key from the cinco golf course, and stole the golf carts the interns and Paul use. We hid them all over the kamp, and had fun doing donuts in fields. alot of other cool stuff happened but thats the jist of it. thanks for reading the whole thing if youre reading this.

Just for fun, i took some pictures from a video I made. That is me blown in half, after "a horrible airsoft gun accident."




Tuesday, May 24, 2005

today before art, for breakfast, I had twinkies and an energy drink, plus a super pill. Super pill=cheap cheveron sex stamina pill. Kody and I both took one, just for kicks and giggles, but it made me really hot (temperature wise) and REALLY hungry. Won't post if it worked or not, for decency's sake. And before school Tim and I were parked at a stop light along side a retard bus. Tim decides to change to the song on my CD entitled "retard bus", which consists of a homeless schizophranic black man that plays along to the presets on a keyboard (Wesley Willis, look him up on Kazaa), yelling retard bus into a microphone. Tim is probably going to hell, and a kid in a wheel chair will visit from heaven with pliars and and tear Tim's nipples off and sow them to Tims eyes. YAY!


Sunday, May 01, 2005

I've pretty much decided that I hate writing entries for xanga. This week I went tanning and tanned onto my chest "vote for Jim" for his campaign for vice prez. Ill cut your calves in half if you dont vote for him.

I'll end with some Beck lyrics... his new CD is simply amazing (Guero) I love that guy...

-"I'm comin over
see me down at the station by the lane
with my hands in my pocket
jinglin a wish coin

that I stole from a fountain
that was drowning all the cares in the world..."
                                         -Go It Alone, Beck.



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